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Kurt Cobain’s Journals Reveal a Man Worthy of No Admiration

Kurt Cobain, the front man of the groundbreaking 1990s Seattle grunge band Nirvana has been considered the “spokesman for a generation” though his fame only lasted for roughly two and a half years before his inevitable 1994 suicide. His music was revolutionary and his fashion quickly became imitated by the mainstream, but Cobain was far from worthy of adulation. He was an extremely troubled person. He was depressed and angry, narcissistic, hateful, antisocial, poorly educated, hypocritical and self destructive with a major drug addiction, but a knack for writing catchy tunes.

I’ve always liked Nirvana’s music, but I’ve never cared much for Cobain as a person. I did eventually acquire all five Nirvana albums, but I have never worn their t-shirt. I say this to illustrate that I’m not just some Nirvana hater. I can separate the man from the music, and this article is about the man as he chose to present himself, his thoughts, ideas and values in his own words. I just don’t think there is much to admire about Kurt Cobain outside of his musical success. That was my opinion at the height of his fame, and after reading his “Journals,” published in 2002, that opinion wasn’t changed. It simply provided more evidence and details to confirm my earliest thoughts.

The Positive

I’ll begin with a positive note regarding what was admirable about Cobain. He was driven and he did seem to have a plan which he followed unwaveringly to eventual commercial success. He did what a lot of musicians and bands don’t do but should; he wrote out his vision for Nirvana. He crafted his business mission statement as it was – he thought out his distinct musical identity, his image and the values he wanted to project. He clearly identified his influences and what he wanted to influence his music. He wrote out steps and tactics in his journals. He thought about distribution, exposure, and reaching fans in an era before the internet made this much easier. He didn’t just do this once; as time went by he revisited and revised his plan as he figured out more about his tastes, styles and abilities instead of just drifting aimlessly in a chaotic musical landscape. Sadly, however this one paragraph is all that I found admirable in Cobain’s journals. The rest of his character was tragically flawed, and ventured into dark and evil places.

Obsessed with Grief

The most noticeable character trait displayed in Cobain’s journals is his overwhelming obsession with grief. His early preoccupation with suicide is evident by page 5, written no later than 1989, exclaiming “kill yourself,” a sentiment that is repeated multiple times throughout the Journals. He was fixated on everything “bad” to the point it seems he had no room left in him for joy. He hated everything. He hated himself. He was ashamed to be white, ashamed to be male, and ashamed to be American. I think this grief and self-hatred is the root of all his many other issues. When a person hates himself it leads to an inability to enjoy anything. It leads to nihilism, self abuse and eventually if left untreated to complete self destruction. Kurt Cobain eventually became dark, uninspired, and hopeless.

Obsessed with Division

Cobain was obsessed with creating division in the world. Though he portrayed himself as an advocate for love, tolerance and inclusion, it’s obvious he thrived on strife and division. He was especially preoccupied with creating division between the generations. This seems to originate from his personal issues with his own parents and upbringing. He wasn’t satisfied with his own sense of isolation; he wanted everyone else to feel that isolation too. He hated his parents therefore everyone of his generation should also hate their parents. Misery loves company.

Rape Fetish

Cobain was obsessed with rape, conflating it with traditional masculine sexuality to which he claimed to be opposed. He mentions rape repeatedly. He even imagines himself as a rapist, and writes about a time in high school when he tried to take advantage of a young girl who was considered “retarded,” though supposedly undiagnosed. At a later point he decided it was Nirvana’s job to “teach boys not to rape.” Apparently his method was to write songs like “Polly” and “Rape Me” that are so ineffectual they sound as if they are romanticizing rape. He later acted perplexed when listeners didn’t comprehend these were supposedly “anti-rape” songs.

Between pages 90 and 95 Cobain wrote the most bizarre part of his journals, a story about a fictional serial murderer, rapist a child molester he named Chuck Taylor. Apparently Chuck became this monster due to his father’s influence. It includes a very graphic scene in which Chuck is forced to watch as his father beats, rapes and sodomizes his mother while extolling the virtues of being a “man” and abusing women. In another entry (pg 109) he says he likes to make incisions on an infants’ stomach and then “fuck the incision until the child dies.” It’s another peek into Kurt Cobain’s grotesque dysfunction.

I got the sense that Cobain had a rape and murder fetish that haunted him, contributing to his self-hatred. He related this to himself “as a man,” and projected that upon the idea of masculinity. Since he saw “right wingers” as representing traditional masculinity he could project his sickness and self-hatred onto them as an “other” thereby gaining a false sense of virtue and self-righteousness for hating them instead of addressing his own demons.

Hypocrisy, Self-delusion and Terrorist Advocacy

Hypocrisy was another of Kurt Cobain’s worst traits. In multiple entries, Cobain says that to him “punk rock means freedom.” It’s another recurring thought in his journals. This would seem to be a motive for his hatred for “right-wingers,” because he saw them as trying to restrict his freedoms through pro-life and other religiously based legislation. But he wasn’t very considerate of other people who chose to live in a manner in which he disapproved.

There are multiple entries in which Cobain expressly advocates for and glorifies Left-wing terrorism. Amongst the many examples of people Cobain said he wanted to kill, he wrote a disturbing passage describing how he wanted to go through high schools and put guns to the heads of popular kids and force them to renounced their “gluttonous” lifestyle or be killed (132). He didn’t write this as a frustrated teenager. He was a grown man well into his twenties expressing a desire to murder kids who simply used their freedom to make different choices than he made. Here, Kurt Cobain’s reoccurring hypocrisy is on full display in one of the most disgusting of ways.

Cobain’s writings also show a strange obsession with the KKK and outlandish caricatures of “right wingers” and misogynists. He really was a product of the west-coast’s socio-political atmosphere and ideology which helped warp him into someone who seemed to be barely clinging to his humanity.

Cobain’s self-delusion is most evident when he wrote about his place in the music industry. Of course he wanted to be successful as a musician, but he felt guilty for that so he tried to rationalize his ambition to fit his radical ideology. Rather than honestly admitting he was desirous of fame and fortune, he instead tried to portray his major-label aspirations as some form of punk-rock Trojan horse strategy. He liked to say he was working on the inside to “rot” and destroy the industry, while in reality he was sitting as the cherry on top of Geffen Records, raking in all that gluttonous money he wanted to shoot children for enjoying.

He liked to pretend that he was in polar opposition to the rockstar excesses of the 1980s, but that was really just his form of gluttonous stardom. He wasn’t the wild, pussy slaying, private jet flying party animal. Instead he portrayed himself as the neopunk rock star; prepackaged rebellion, and feigned social consciousness. He knew he was playing a role that didn’t align with his real identity, and he felt pressured by the image he constructed of himself. That kind of cognitive dissonance must certainly be hard to live with.


Lack of Depth

There was a common misconception in the 1990’s that Cobain’s lyrics were mystical script of otherworldly genius that had to be decoded in order to truly perceive their great depth. I never bought it. While I could enjoy the energy of his music, I always thought his lyrics were haphazardly written, sloppily thrown together into a reckless word-salad. In his journals and other interviews he clearly reveals that his lyrics were quite often retched out at the last minute or adlibbed onstage until something stuck. He was frustrated by people who tried to analyze his lyrics because he knew there was nothing there worth analyzing. Cobain’s lyrics seem disjointed and jumbled because they are disjointed and jumbled. He mumbled and slurred a lot of his words because it really doesn’t matter if you understand them. Don’t look for depth and insight in Cobain’s lyrics because there is none.

He Loved His Ignorance

One of the more disappointing aspects of Cobain’s personality is that he preferred to remain ignorant. He mentions repetitively that he is not particularly well educated, and the grammar, and spelling throughout his journals is evidence enough of this. He wrote “I purposefully keep myself naïve and away from earthly information because it’s the only way to avoid a jaded attitude” (pg 125). That’s just dumb. Cobain liked to have strong opinions that resulted in a radical ideology and violent attitude, but didn’t want to actually have the knowledge by which to evaluate those ideas. He preferred to keep his miseducated opinions that fueled his desire to murder children because it made him feel good. Kurt Cobain was an idiot.

To go along with his multiple displays of ignorance and irrationality, Cobain liked to disparage musicians who actually bothered to learn music. He specifically ridiculed Eric Clapton who not only helped to forge modern rock and roll, but also managed to survive the test of time even while battling the same vices (heroin) that Cobain was too weak to overcome. Cobain regurgitated the same clichéd wannabe punk rock jargon that music theory is “bullshit.” The irony seems lost on him when he also complains about not being a very prolific songwriter. He never made the connection that music theory gives a person more tools to work with to create more original music instead of rewriting the same song over and over again while feeling like a fraud. Cobain’s inability to write new, significant music after “In Utero” contributed to his final mental breakdown and eventual suicide. It’s an example of how Cobain consistently made decisions and embraced attitudes that lead him steadily down a path of self-destruction.

To his credit, I suppose, Cobain knew all this about himself and through all his ignorance, hypocrisy, self-deception, delusions and his antisocial personality he freely admitted it. He told us as much in his lyrics.

“I’m a negative creep”
“I’m a liar and a thief”
“I think I’m dumb”
“I hate myself and I want to die.”

Rooted in self-hatred, fear, ignorance, left wing politics and drugs every decision he made was another step toward his early suicide.

Maya Angelou said “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.” Kurt Cobain showed us time and time over again. There is nothing there to be admired.


Florence Doisneau, Life Coach with Realize Unlimited

Florence Doisneau is a certified life coach, and the owner of Realize Unlimited, LLC.  She assists clients in successfully defining and achieving their goals by supplying them with the tools and techniques they need to overcome the obstacles in their daily lives.

 

Florence received her Life Coaching certification in 2014 from Coach U, and graduated from their Advanced Training Program in 2016.  She is also a certified practitioner of Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) through the Tad James Company, a certified Yoga teacher, and she has her Masters Degree in Management and Bodyworks from Ecole Peyrefitte.

She found her way to the vocation of Life Coaching through her own long and challenging journey during which she fought depression, anxiety, and social awkwardness in her own life.  The tools she acquired along the way provided her with a much clearer perspective and a stronger resolve to create the fulfilling and joyous life she has always desired.  This process inspired her to dedicate herself to helping other people overcome similar struggles.

Florence originally considered taking up the practice of psychology, but after some study found coaching to be the field which would better serve her clients.  Coaching, she explains, offers tools and opportunities to enhance communication, and create more authentic connections with people.  She agrees with the philosophy that psychology and Twelve-Step programs have their usefulness in understanding the prison of the mind, but Life Coaching provides the key which unlocks that prison cell so that her clients can truly live a free and successful life.  “Coaching,” she explains “is about understanding YOU.  It is a process of building your future.  Through Life Coaching you get to design and REALIZE the life you want.”

                    

Florence hails from Bordeaux, France. After living and interning in various other countries including Japan, England, and Spain, in 2013 she made the United States her permanent home. She currently serves her community through a local health and wellness center wherein she coaches clients on improving their lives through modifications in lifestyle, as well as by coaching through her own organization, Realize Unlimited.

For more information visit Realize Unlimited here!


Treat Your Future Self Like a Real Person

financialfreedom

There are a few differences between being an anthropologist studying wealth and poverty and an economist doing the same. As an anthropologist I am more focused on the social, cultural and cognitive motivations that either bind a person to poverty or allow them to experience the freedom of wealth. In this effort we have to contrast the Culture of Poverty of which I was a product, and the Culture of Wealth to which I aspire.

I had a conversation with a young woman the other day about the importance of financial discipline. She told me that she had heard it all before. “I know,” she said. “Save all your money while you’re young so you can have it all when you’re old. She continued, “I don’t want to wait until I’m old to enjoy life. I want to enjoy life now.” The statement was a bit oversimplified and shortsighted, but I withheld my rebuttal. I was less interested in correcting her misunderstandings of a financial plan than I was in learning about the cognitive themes of financial self-sabotage.

It took me several days of reflecting on this exchange before I realized what’s going on here. I come from a family of meager resources. Although I’m still a young man, I’ve seen what it’s like to be poor and old. It’s fraught with far more peril than being poor and young. The physically impaired don’t have the ability to go out and make more money. Young people tend to be stupid. Most of us view ourselves as being so far removed from the golden generations ahead of us. It’s almost as if our future is not even real. Snap! That’s it.

It’s been said time and again that people who amass wealth have a long term perspective, whereas people who remain in poverty or return to poverty tend to have a short term perspective. But if it was as simple as this seeming platitude suggests, a person should simply be able to plug this formula in and make it work. There is something more going on here.

What the hell does it really mean to have a “long term perspective” anyway? Certainly there’s more to it than just reciting a few more trite descriptions and definitions of the term. If it was as simple as understanding the diction involved, then everyone would be on a path to financial liberty.

The people who blow all their money on trivialities, failing to save and plan for the future can just as easily consciously understand the meaning of “long term perspective” and why it’s better than a “short term perspective.” Yet, many of us have continued doing the same things, thinking the same ways, focusing on the same points and continuing to operate from a “short term perspective.”

The problem is that although having a strong financial knowledge is important to money management, that knowledge must be internalized for it to alter our perspective to any real degree.

The problem with those who fail to plan is that their future is not real to them. What is real to them is the here and now; this month, this week, today. Rarely is it even about “this year,” and for some of the real slackers out there it’s rarely even about anything more than this moment. This is not just an issue of time span perspective. It’s about perception of reality.

 

To the terminally impoverished, their future is as much a fiction to them as anything J.R.R. Tolkien ever wrote. They don’t even see their future selves as real people whose situation needs to be planned. Failing to execute a financial plan for the future is essentially the same as consigning your future self to poverty. That is you.

    

Think about this for a moment. If you had the power, would you create an old person with disabilities and without the resources to care for themselves and their liberty? That is what we do every day that we allow to pass us by without a sensible economic plan for the future, spending everything and saving nothing.

Most people don’t plan for the future or try to save even small amounts for future investments because it might take so many years before it’s really worth anything. Twenty years from now is twenty years away. That is until it gets here. And it’s coming one way or another regardless of what you do. At the end of that twenty years are you going to look back and say “I wished I had planned for this,” or are you going to say “I sure am glad my younger self was responsible enough to plan for me now.”?

This all starts with realizing, accepting and internalizing that fact that the future is very real. It might even be more real than the past because the future can still be affected. You’re future self is a real person; just as real as you are now.

Treat your future self like a real person. Treat all you future selves like real people, from decade to decade. Get to know them. Consider what their needs are. Realize that you are responsible for their wellbeing. Now realize that they are YOU, even now. Their wellbeing, their health, their wealth, or the lack of any of it is something only you can control.


Dave Ramsey: Financial Guru for the Average Person

Dave_RamseyDave Ramsey is a financial guru for the average person. Even if you think you’re doing alright with your money, Dave can help you see the folly of your ways that prevents you from truly excelling financially.

When I finally made the decision to focus on my finance and figure out the secret to creating wealth I explored numerous books, and audio programs by many different financial gurus. I read Robert Kiyosaki, Donald Trump, Brian Tracy, and even Gene Simmons, just to name a few. I began perusing business magazines, and I learned a lot by doing this.

The problem with most of these books and programs was that although they taught me a lot, most of them are written under the assumption that the reader already has a certain amount of capital at hand, ready to invest. But I was broke, getting by paycheck to paycheck. Sure, I knew saving was a good idea, but I was in debt, and any time I tried to save, some sort of emergency or an overdue bill sucked out that cash and it was gone. It began to feel futile.

I knew I should invest, but I was clueless where to start from my financial position, from broke. So one day, like a similar day years earlier, distraught with financial indignity, I made my way to the local book store to look for that bit of wisdom that I knew I had somehow overlooked. There, I came to a full sized advertisement for Dave Ramsey and his radio show, syndicated on a local station. So I browsed a couple of his books on the shelf. The advice between those covers was invaluable. What was best is that it applied to me, not just to someone with 30 grand waiting to be invested.

Being broke, I couldn’t afford to buy one of those books right then. Sorry Dave, but you told me not to spend money I didn’t have. I went out to my car and tuned into your show instead. It was one of the best decisions I’d made in years. I quickly became a regular listener.

    

Dave Ramsey has it down to a science. What’s more, he doesn’t assume you have any money to start with. In fact, his lessons begin (dare I say) with the assumption that you are broke, in debt, and completely clueless about money. It’s not that he talks down to you, as much as it is he wants you to clearly understand just how foolish the average person is about money, credit, and debt. He doesn’t try to sell you on a get-rich-quick scheme. In fact, he nearly condemns such ideas. The best thing is that Dave Ramsey told me were I should start and in what order I should do things to get out of debt and to prosper.

After listening to Dave on the radio for several weeks, Christmas was just around the corner. At the top of my list was Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover. I opted for the audiobook version, because as I graduate student I don’t have a lot of time for leisure reading, but I can’t read my assigned materials while driving or working. I later took advantage of a Veteran’s Day giveaway and enrolled in his online Financial Peace University. By following Dave’s advice and applying his baby-steps, I have seen my finances improve amazingly. On top of that, I have much more peace of mind than I did just a year before.

Dave’s first baby-step is to save $1000 as quickly as possible (or $500 if you make less than $20,000 a year). This is the emergency fund to be used only in a genuine emergency while you begin working the next six steps. About six months into the program I had just such an emergency. An auto emergency was going to cost me nearly $300.

At first I was angry. This was all I needed. I immediately went into my poverty mindset thinking about how much inconvenience this was causing me in my life. Then I remembered my emergency fund. This sort of thing is exactly what it was there for! A little smile came across my face, and I actually felt good. Of course nobody feels good about having to shell out hundreds for unexpected auto repairs, but for the first time in my life I was actually financially prepared. I managed to pay it all off with one swift payment and drive out of the shop beaming with satisfaction. And that felt great!

It was all just a bump in the road. A year earlier, I would have been in a real pickle. I would have had to beg, and borrow. It might have taken weeks, or even months to get the finances together for the repairs, and it might have impacted my ability to pay my bills. This time however, it didn’t even affect my fun money. I could still go out to the pub that weekend for some good old Irish music, and within two months my emergency fund was topped off once again.

For anyone who is serious about getting their finances together, unlearning all their poverty inducing bad habits, and replacing them with wise wealth creating behavior, I cannot recommend Dave Ramsey more. He has helped me replace my naive hope for wealth with a practical and realistic plan for creating it. Dave can’t help everyone, however. The path to financial peace is not easy. It does take discipline and perseverance. You have to be ready, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually to change your behavior, and to do the necessary work it takes to achieve it. The hardest part for many people is that you must be ready to take personal responsibility for your own financial situation.

If you really want to break the bonds of financial servitude and make your way toward wealth visit Dave Ramsey’s website now. Find him on your local radio station. You will be happy you did!


Your Life is Your Business

We all talk about starting a business as a means to wealth. This seems reasonable, but for the average impoverished person this really means very little. “How do I go into business without any means and possibly no idea what market to go into?”

First you have to realize that you already are in business. YOU are your business. Your life and your body is your corporation. As Dave Ramsey says; “You are the CEO of Me Incorporated.” As soon as you realize that whether you have a business license of not, whether you are technically an employee in a business owned by someone else or not, you are in fact self-employed. If you get your paycheck from a single source you are in fact a corporation with a single client.

Business Card

Even fortune five-hundred company owners have employers. We call them customers, clients, or investors but they are in fact the employers who provide the revenue for the business and pay the salaries of the owners, management, and employees of the company. As an employee, your employer is the investor in or financier of your business, even if your business is operating a broom at the local McDonald’s.

    

 

There is a sort of magic to your thoughts. If you see yourself as just an employee, a worker rather than a businessperson, you are likely to fall into the complacency of wage slavery. Here you wind up working just for the money, often a lesser amount than you are capable of earning. When you realize that your life is a business you become empowered by seeing yourself as a business owner: the CEO of You Inc. Jobs become streams or revenue, money becomes cashflow and capital. You will be compelled to learn more about business, and as your knowledge of the subject increases you will become more prepared to consider operating your own corporation.

A major factor important to anyone’s success is mindset and perspective. So adopt the mindset that you are already self-employed. You are already a business owner, whether that business is doing well or doing poorly. The same principles used by a successful corporation can be applied to your own life. This works whether you are married or single, have children or are childless. The only difference is the number of ‘shareholders’ to whom you may have a fiduciary responsibility.


The Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction is a metaphysical theory asserting that “like attracts like,” or those things that a person thinks about the most are those that will naturally be attracted to him.  Though recently popularized again by the 2006 book and film The Secret by Rhonda Byrne the term “Law of Attraction” was originally coined by New Thought Movement guru William Walker Atkinson in his 1906 book Thought Vibration or the Law of Attraction in the Thought World.

Simply stated the Law of Attraction is established upon the premise that thinking positive thoughts naturally attracts positive affects and negative thoughts just as naturally affect one negatively.  If a person can form a clear and strong image of one’s desire in their mind and recreate it consistently, the acquisition of the desired object or goal will be realized.  Likewise if one obsesses over negative thoughts and fears, those things will become manifest in his life.  We become what we think about most of the time.

The key to activating the Law of Attraction in your life begins with simple visualization exercises.  Decide what you want, perhaps a better job, a pay raise or a new lover.  Sit down in a comfortable position and imagine yourself having this thing.  Make it as real in your mind as possible.  Feel the sensations you would have if you had this thing you desire.  If it is a new car, imagine the sensations of driving it, the new car smell and the way the sun gleams off the chrome.  Make this an enjoyable event, conjuring up all the positive feelings you can create and firmly attach them to all the sensations related to your desired outcome.

To avoid sabotaging yourself in this activity you must be sure to carefully monitor your words and thoughts.  Whenever we speak or think we effectively affirm certain beliefs in our minds.  Every time we say or think something like “I’ll never have that much money,” or some other limiting belief, we undermine our efforts.  You must maintain a constant certainty that your desired outcome is already yours and working its way to you at this very moment.

How Does it Work?

There are two main theories explaining how the Law of Attraction works.  The more metaphysical explanation is expressed in the book The Secret; that the thoughts we think are broadcast to the universe as if we were making an order from a catalog.  If we are thinking about and envisioning our success then the universe will deliver success.  If however, we are constantly fretting over our fears, those are what will be delivered.

A more pragmatic explanation for the Law of Attraction is that by practicing visualization techniques and by monitoring our thoughts we condition our subconscious minds to expect those things we think about most.  Since the subconscious mind cannot process a negative, then thinking about the things we don’t want is effectively the same as if we wanted them to come true.  By conditioning our subconscious minds to expect success, achievement or even failure, we become motivated to act and behave in ways that will bring that into reality.

                          

 

Either way one sees the process unfold, the core lesson to be learned from the Law of Attraction is that we are responsible for our own lives and conditions based off our own thoughts and conditioning.  This is more than just “positive thinking” or simple recitation of affirmations encountered in the typical self help seminar.  The Law of Attraction requires consistent maintenance of positive belief and deep visualization in order for it to be effective.  Love, wealth and happiness are ours for the taking if only we can visualize ourselves having them, not at some future point, but right now regardless of our current predicaments.