A New Beginning

It’s finally over.

That seven-year battle is done.

It started with a mutually agreed upon parenting plan, signed by us both. Then she dragged me through court for years.

She threw everything she could at me. She brought charges against me only for them to be thrown out. She never won anything substantial, but she cost me almost everything.

Thousands upon thousands of dollars in lawyers fees and for what? Just to make me miserable. And I let her.

It’s the reason I drank so much.

It’s the reason I’ve been so irritable, anxious, frustrated and caustic at times … for seven years.

It was always on my mind.

There was always another lawyer’s bill.

There was always another petition.

There was always another financial affidavit, more discovery, another hearing … and of course more lawyer’s fees.

So often, I felt hopeless and trapped in an endless Hell.

And so I drank.

I drank and I vented. I spewed radioactive anger all along my path and to anyone in the way.

I couldn’t see what I was doing. I was living in my pain and numbing it with alcohol. I didn’t see how trying to desensitize myself from the pain made me insensitive to everyone else around me. But I could see the next day wasn’t any better, so I drank some more.

Even though I killed that habit months ago and stepped into this current, healthier more authentic phase of life where yoga, meditation, and being lovingly vulnerable has replaced what I thought I was achieving with chemicals, anger, and expressive toxicity, TODAY marks the symbolic new beginning of my life.

I can finally do something other than feed lawyers. My money can be used creatively and productively. I won’t be anxiously awaiting the next bill or petition.

I feel freer than I have in nearly a decade.

I feel like my future really begins today and for the first time in years I’m excited to greet it.

It looks so bright.